Tag Archives: choices

Ready to Redesign Your Life?

Yes, that’s a blueprint. In all the years that I’ve been coaching, my work seems to come back to one thing. I’m incredibly good at helping people figure out a life plan and then figure out how to implement it. Over time, I’ve talked about mapping, organizing, implementing goals – many names, same theme.

Here’s the thing – if you don’t know where you’ve going, you’re liable to end up somewhere else. And, sometimes, you just can’t figure out where you’re going. You need someone who can see things from a different perspective. You need someone who is good at puzzles. And synthesis. And invention. Who can think – if not bigger than you – differently than you.

That’s what I love to do. And I do it well. So, I’m taking a minute to brag about my two new Life Design Blueprint programs. The details are here: Blueprint Coaching In November, I’ll be holding free preview classes. You can sign up here if you’d like to stop by and kick the tires.

2012 is coming. Do you know where your future is?

Blazing a Trail in Leadership and Life Part 3

From WikiHow:

Plan the width of the trail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What, specifically, are you trying to carve out?

Perhaps you are choosing a personal trail – making a change in your own life. Your trail will probably be narrow. If you are blazing this trail in an organization it will be wider. How wide? Are you leading a small unit or are you creating broader organizational change? Are you hoping for a few early adopters or do you need total buy-in? Will you need to create a trail that can be widened as more people follow the new path?

Will your trail be direct or meandering? Will it be quick and dirty or planned and beautifully executed? WikiHow does not address this. Still, it figures into your decision on how you will blaze your trail. A direct path might suggest the straightest, shortest path – no frills, not necessarily neat and tidy. This may be driven by a sense of urgency or immediacy. Leaders must sometimes forge ahead, cut through the underbrush and get somewhere quickly. As more people adopt the change, there will be opportunities to tidy up the borders or pave the trail. There’s a place for this sort of “ready, fire, aim!” sort of trailblazing.

Some trails are blazed after considerable planning and preparation. In your personal life this might be a career change or moving into a committed relationship or parenting. These trails may involve much more planning. They may be meandering, taking the scenery (your surroundings, preferences, lifestyle) into account. These trails may be more beautiful, well paved, free of any potential hazards. What do you want to consider as you initiate major life changes?

As a leader in an organization, you will also do a lot of planning for major changes. Will you blaze this trail all at once or in incremental stages? Will you pave the trail to make the transition as easy as possible? Will you offer rest stops and enticements along the way to facilitate movement along the new trail?

What will your trail look like?

Blazing a Trail in Leadership and Life Part 2

From WikiHow:
1. Assess the density and type of foliage the area has growing and equip yourself with the stuff from the “Things You’ll Need” accordingly.

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The first thing that it makes sense to do before initiating any change (blazing a trail) – whether in your business or yourself – is to do an environmental scan. That means looking at the situation from every angle to determine what exists and analyzing the current situation in terms of your desired outcome. I this step, you are dealing with the broad issue o wanting a change. In a later step, you will have the opportunity to get specific about the change.

These questions can be asked What’s going on in your life or workplace? Too much? Dense foliage. Not enough? Sparse. These answers relate to the degree of change desired as well as the challenges inherent. If you or the organization are reluctant to change, you have a dense foliage situation and can expect that the process will take some time. If you are an early adopter, the foliage is sparse and initiating change will be easy. When facing sparse foliage, though, you may want to take the extra step to be sure that this is really where you want a new trail. Is this a desirable, supportable change or are you changing for the sake of change?

Will you be dealing with tall weeds and grasses or thorny bushes and trees? Before initiating a change it will be useful to know the degree of difficulty. And the tools required. Trees and thorny bushes will require heavier tools and thick gloves. Don’t be fooled by the tall grass, though. As in the wild, in life there can be surprises in the tall grass. Know that you may be brought up short as you blaze this trail and be prepared with an array of tools – coaching, communication skills, research skills – to move forward.

What types of things keep increasing in your life or organization? Decreasing? Are these the things you want? What activities are you involved in? Are these the ones you want? These questions relate to the nature of the trail you will blaze and the ultimate destination.

Look to the future. What are the benefits of this trail? How will the change serve you or your organization? You’ll want this information when we move on to determining the size of the trail.

Out of the Shadows

In the shadows has been a safe place to be for a long, long time. I was in second grade. My reading group, the Cardinals (best group), stood up to read. I was immersed in the story and by now was several pages ahead of the group, so, of course, I was not on the right page. For this transgression of being a good reader and going too fast, I was banished to the Starlings (slowest group).

Lesson: it’s not good to be too smart or too fast or too different. It’s safer in the shadows where no one notices you. You won’t get punished there.

But living in the shadows has it’s price. There are secrets in the shadows, and a single ray of sunlight can expose them. You can spend your whole life covering things over and pushing things back and hoping that no one will discover who you really are. Because that would be scary. And nasty. And no one would love you any more. So you stretch your neck out every so often, and then pull it back quickly. You create opportunities and sabotage them. You don’t believe the good things people tell you because, after all, they don’t really know you. What if they knew? So, no one else punishes you. Instead, you punish yourself.

A few moths ago, I was invited to met a friend in Bucks County, where she was visiting her brother and sister-in-law. I hadn’t seen my friend in over a year and I missed her. I love her family, and knew I’d enjoy their company. I wasn’t going to go. I was feeling like a fraud and a failure. My business was comatose. No clients. Contracts falling through right and left. I was broke. My friend’s sister-in-law got on the phone and told me to go pack and get on the train. If I could manage the fare, they’d take care of everything else. And they did. And I wasn’t allowed to feel embarrassed. And I had a wonderful time. No one cared.

Lesson: You miss a lot in the shadows. It may be safe, but you won’t get rewarded there, and you’ll miss a lot of fun!

Facing Your Inner Demons

This caught my eye this morning:
funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

How are your inner demons doing today? I’ve been busy grappling with mine over the past few months. It’s not easy, is it?

I was thinking about Rick Carson’s Taming Your Gremlin this morning and have just taken it off the shelf to re-read. The concepts are simple and clear to understand. Implementation is a lifetime process; Carson helps me understand that it can be fun. Simply Notice … Choose and Play with Options … Be in Process. Buy the book! I’m off to play with the “You Can’t Do This”  Gremlin.

Future Search

There are whole organizations dedicated to looking at the future. In fact, rummaging around The Futurist or Trend Hunter is a great way to get ideas and find inspiration. Why are corporations willing to invest thousands of dollars in future research? Because it’s a wonderful day to get a clear picture of how to act in the present.

What about your future? How much time have you spent researching your own life? As an old career planning book said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’re liable to end up somewhere else.” If any future will do, stop reading now. If , instead, you have some ideas about your destination, take a few minutes to create three simple scenarios:

In six months, I will be:

In one year, I will be:

In five years, I will be:

How easy was that? Now you have the start of a roadmap. Look backwards from the 5-year vantage point. What does it feel like to be there? What did you have to do to get there?

Go back another step. Look at where you are a year from now. Again, generate some action steps.

Finally, look at your 6 month vision. Ask one final question:

What can I do, starting today, to get there?

Goals – Out of Fashion?

Robert K. Cooper wrote about goals in a book called Getting Out of Your Own Way. I worked my way through this book slowly, taking time to think about the content and practice what I’d read. I’m once again thinking about goals and Cooper’s notion of Open Space Goals.

Goals can be tricky things. Some experts say that the only way to get ahead is to have specific, measurable goals. Another advocates ditching goals altogether. Yet another focuses on intentions. Cooper does a nice job of resolving this issue by setting up a continuum.

Most people don’t get very far, he says, because their goals are too narrow. He calls the first level of goals “stop goals.” You’re familiar with these — I’m going to stop spending and zero out my credit card balances; I’m going to stop eating. These are limiting because there’s no new state. Once you’ve accomplished the goal, what’s Next?

Usual goals have outcomes, but are still very limiting. If your goal is to save $1,000, what comes next? The solution? Think of some sort of stretch goals — often called Big Hairy Audacious Goals — that leaves you plenty of room to grow. Cooper contends that this is not enough either and can still be limiting. Get thin … win the marathon … become a multimillionaire …. These all sound good, don’t they? These are BHAGs that could take a lot of time and energy.

Go even further, Cooper urges. Set what he calls Open Space Goals. Open Space Goals allow room for creativity and growth in many directions. Open Space Goals allow us to create whole new ways of being. What if your goal moved from becoming a multimillionaire to financial freedom? This would mean that you wouldn’t be limited to the pursuit of money; your goal would also include lifestyle choices. You might decide that riches are less important than quality of life. Or you might want both. Helping the victims of Katrina might grow into finding ways to sustain residents in safe housing in storm-prone areas throughout the world.

Cooper’s model makes me think harder about how far I can stretch. What if we all thought and worked as if there were no limits?

Changing Yourself – Oy Vey! It Hurts!

Things hurt this morning. I decided that I really needed to do something good for myself and get out there and walk. And things hurt this morning. Many things. There’s a cramp in my left calf that keeps coming back and is tender in between cramps. My back is not happy. My left shoulder and arm turned against me weeks ago and they don’t seem interested in reversing the position that every wrong move of my arm and/or too much time at the computer shall equal pain. Yes, things hurt.

So, today I’ll get back out there and walk some more, on the theory that I can walk out this pain. Maybe I’ll just have more pain – who knows? All I know is that I’m not giving up. I want to feel better – and if feeling worse for a while is the way to get there, I guess I’ll just do it.

I know that in a few days I’ll see different (lower) numbers on the scale, the blood pressure meter and the blood sugar level – three sets of numbers that are getting to be common among us “upper midlife” folks. I’ll be able to measure these changes and rejoice in the results. I’ll be able to walk faster and farther. My clothes will fit better. I’ll be stronger.

I’m working through a lot of other changes that probably aren’t going to be as obvious from the outside. I’m working on letting go of a couple of tons of old garbage, misconceptions, negative thinking, and limiting beliefs. And that hurts too. Breaking up is hard to do – especially, it turns out, when you’re breaking up with a way of thinking and being that no longer serves you.

I’ve been reading and journaling and writing forgiveness letters. I’ve been rereading Martha Beck and Abraham-Hicks. Wayne Dyer and Deepak Choprah echo in my ears as I commute. My Buddhist practice supports and frames all of this. Affirmations and reminders fill my workspace. Really, all these sources say the same thing, each in a slightly different way. They all show different ways to do a few things that look oh so simple on paper:

  1. Live in the present
  2. Know what you want and ask for it
  3. Be receptive
  4. Be mindful
  5. Love yourself

What a nice, short list.  How easy to read it. Harder to achieve it and live it, though.

So, I struggle. And get support from my two excellent coaches and my wonderful friends. And struggle. And cry. And keep at it.

It hurts. Change isn’t easy, whether it’s your body or your spirit. I measure this change too, although the measures are more subtle. I measure it in moments when I know exactly who I am, in days when I am at peace, in acts of kindness – given and accepted. I measure it in what I no longer need. I measure it in days when I see clearly what thinking does and does not serve me.

This is from an Osho Zen Tarot card that gives me hope:

The pain is not to make you sad, remember. That’s where people go on missing …. This pain is just to make you more alert – because people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wounds them. Otherwise they don’t become alert. … The arrow is hurting: it can be used.

The pain is not to make you miserable, the pain is to make you more aware! And when you are aware, misery disappears.

A Few Thoughts on Happiness

I recently attended the first World Congress on Positive Psychology, so, of course, happiness is on my mind. I check the dictionary. The first definition, “the quality or state of being happy”, seems pretty lame to me. The second is a bit better. “Good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy,” gives me something to think about.

Are we only happy when fortune smiles on us? Studies show that lottery winners actually are slightly happy than the general population, but not by a great degree. Happiness turns out to be much more complex. It’s not a single thing and it has to do with our adaptation to what’s going on in our lives. As you might expect, happiness is also not meant to be a permanent state. Euphoria can get you locked up. As in all things, moderation is a wise choice.

Ed Diener, in a presentation at the Congress, defined happiness as subjective well-being. This explains miserable rich people and others finding great contentment in reduced circumstances. Diener broke happiness into two major areas: life satisfaction and positive engagement.

This made such good sense to me! Life satisfaction – income, basic needs being met, conveniences – is important, true, but not everything. Absence of these things is probably more important than their presence. This is why more money can give us greater life satisfaction, but doesn’t actually create positive feelings.

Positive feelings, it turns out, come from positive engagement. Public trust, learning, flow, and social support – all factors in positive engagement – activate a whole different part of our brain.

Diener suggested another major distinction. He differentiated wanting and liking. Wanting is centered in the thinking part of our brain while liking is centered in feeling – in the pleasure centers. So, for a materialist, happiness might be having what we want, while for a positive psychologist, it’s liking what you have.

How can you be happier? Learn to WANT what you will LIKE. When you want something, make a list of what it will bring into your life. Make an informed decision by comparing that list (choice components) to a list of what you like (enjoyment list) and look for overlap. If there’s little or none, maybe you don’t really want this.

Why might you want to be happy? Happy people live about five years longer, earn more, are more creative, and have more family and friends. If there’s a tiger in your path, it’s no time to be happy. Otherwise, as the song says, “Don’t worry – be happy!”

How Is Your Day Going?

funny pictures of cats with captions

Ambrose was having a bad day And he didn’t care who knew it.

Picture by: Taronga Zoo. Caption by: scarlettsmomcat via Our LOL Builder

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

How’s your day going? And what are you doing about it? Looks like Ambrose can get by with sulking, but perhaps this isn’t the most successful route for most of us.

Positive Psychology has been on my mind lately. How important is happiness? How important is a positive attitude? Can we choose to be happy?

Yes, we can chose happiness. We can reframe situations and select a more positive viewpoint. We can make choices based on what will make us happy. Ed Deiner, at a recent conference said that it is more important to like what we have than to get what we want. We seem to want things all the time. Sometimes, when we get them, they don’t seem to make us very happy. Deiner suggests making a list of overall factors that make us happy, then make choices based on that list.

Happy people have more friends, live longer, and are more productive. Don’t be an Ambrose.